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Pregnancy During A Pandemic
Women who see themselves starting a family sometime in the future, plant this seed in their head about what that looks like for them at an early age. We dream about the day until it’s actually here. Not all women want children AND THAT IS TOTALLY OKAY. As for women who intend to have a family, we envision what this will look like for years. We imagine those few seconds of anticipation before the pregnancy test reads positive or negative; we create scenarios in our heads about how we will tell our significant other or families. There are envisions of what doctors appointments will be like, hearing the baby’s heartbeat for the first time while your significant other stands by your side holding your hand, we plan baby showers and baby moons, we think about who will be in the delivery room with us as we bring our little babe into this world. Best of all, we imagine how beautiful the future will be as a family with children.
Pregnancy during a pandemic is never anything a woman considers when they envision what their pregnancy journey will look like or when their bundle of joy finally makes their arrival into this world. I found out I was pregnant with my first baby on March 5, 2020. On March 11, 2020 the novel COVID-19 virus was declared a pandemic by the World Health Organization. I am due to give birth on November 4, 2020. This likely means I will have spent all but one week pregnant, during a pandemic. This journey has been wild and it was never in a million years what I expected. This pandemic has rocked the world, causing everyone to live differently. Act differently. Feel differently. Made it hard to stay positive or even feel like—could their possibly be a bright side to 2020?! Add in the crazy pregnancy hormones and at times, it feels impossibly hard to stay positive. Everything I hoped for or envisioned during my pregnancy has been taken away by a global pandemic.
My first doctor’s appointment was in April 2020. By this time, our country was already in a lock-down, quarantine phase. I was working from home and trying to live life as normally as possible under these circumstances. At my appointment, I laid on the table ALONE listening to a very strong, fast heartbeat while my doctor told me how healthy by baby looked and at that time, the only emotions I felt were fear and loneliness. I left that appointment with guilt because I did not feel more excited or grateful. I spent the next two days locked in my bedroom, crying, depressed (I have suffered from depression in the past), feeling like “is having a baby right now, in the midst of all this craziness, the right decision”. I resented myself for feeling this way. After the two days, I realized I did NOT want to fall back into the depression slump. I realized I am pregnant and responsible for the health of another life inside me at the moment. I realized being pregnant and carrying a healthy baby is something so special. And I realized I have a lot to be grateful for in my life. So at 6 weeks pregnant, I made a decision and a vow to myself that I was going to look for the light at the end of the tunnel through my entire pregnancy, no matter what life threw at me.
· My significant other has not been able to attend any appointments with me. Not one. He gets to hear our baby’s heartbeat through recordings at my appointments and gets to see our baby via video recordings of ultrasounds. He gets pictures and videos and that’s all.
· I have spent my entire pregnancy in a quarantine-like state per my doctor’s recommendations. I have not gone “baby shopping” unless it’s on Amazon Prime! I have not visited family, I do not go grocery shopping, I have not been to a mall or a nail salon since January. My 92 year old great-grandmother has only seen me and my growing belly once!
· Although spoken about through the duration of my pregnancy, it has been confirmed that I will NOT be permitted to have anyone else other than my “support person” in the delivery room with me and my family will not be able to even be in the waiting room the day my little girl arrives.
· COVID-19 tests will be administered to Daddy and I upon arrival when we check into the hospital. If Dad (Jesse) tests positive for any reason, he will not be permitted into labor and delivery with me. If I test positive for any reason, my baby will be taken away from me immediately upon birth for her protection and treatment if needed. Because of this, Jesse and I have both been extra cautious as we fear this being the worst case after everything we have already been through during my pregnancy.
· I cancelled the baby shower I had planned. I hoped things would have been better so late in my pregnancy, but unfortunately they have only gotten worse and cancelling my shower was the best decision for my family, friends and the baby and I.
· There have been several fears around losing my job. Not only does my job provide my family and I with extra income, but my job KEEPS ME SANE! Having nothing to do, nowhere to go, not seeing family and having really, no responsibility made me fear that I would fall back into depression. Luckily I still have my job and I am SO grateful for that!
· Losing my job also means losing my health insurance. For those who do not know much about health insurance, our country is battling an insurance crisis. Getting new insurance that would cover my pregnancy expenses and allow me to keep the same doctor at any REASONABLE RATE is impossible right now. Again, luckily nothing has changed with my insurance up to this date.
· The baby-moon I hoped for, never happened. Dreaming about my baby-moon, I envisioned some remote beach destination where I could lay around, do nothing, get a prenatal massage, do some yoga and relax before my girl makes her arrival. This quickly went from a reality to a dream!
· I have no idea what the future looks like once my girl makes her arrival. Will we be okay sending her to daycare while the virus is still spreading and she will be just 3 months old? Will I need to quit my job? Will we be comfortable taking her to parks or out in public at all? Most people plan for what the immediate future looks like after their baby is born. For us, it’s all up in the air and depending on whether this virus gets better or worse, doctor’s recommendations week by week and our level of comfort.
· This last one breaks my heart and is hard to even put into words. But I do not know what is to come once our baby girl arrives and how my family will visit or meet her. There is so much fear surrounding where others have been and who they have been around, whether it’s safe for them to come around our newborn fragile baby’s immune system. It shatters my heart into pieces knowing my mom, grandmother, great-grandmother, sister, etc. may not be able to meet my baby the day we bring her home from the hospital. For our family who lives out of state and would require them to fly here to visit her, I do not know when that will EVER happen.
How I have turned these negatives into positives
While all of the above have thrown me for a loop, I have spent my time focusing on all the GOOD and POSITIVE that has come out of this. For one, it has allowed a lot of bonding time between Jesse and I. I feel our relationship has only grown stronger as we navigate through a new stage (both pregnancy and a pandemic) in both of our lives. Understandably so, I would have liked my family to be at the hospital with me the day I deliver but this will again allow myself, Jesse and our new bundle of joy time to bond as a family of 3!
Staying home and “quarantining” has given me the opportunity to relax. To learn more about myself. To do things that I enjoy like, exercising, riding my bike, journaling, writing, cooking, etc. It has given me extra time to read about labor and delivery, watch webinars on birth and breastfeeding, read blogs about postpartum and baby blues. This extra time to myself has allowed me to get as prepared as I can possibly be to bring my baby into the world and the weeks that follow delivery.
This pandemic has given me a new sense of gratefulness. No words can summarize how grateful I am for my health, the health of our baby and the health of our families at this time. HEALTH IS WEALTH. I am grateful for our jobs, as many have suffered from lay off’s and unemployment. I am grateful that I still have health insurance. I have felt SO GOOD throughout my entire pregnancy, I have maintained healthy eating habits, I have maintained my exercise routine and I am SO GRATEFUL for that (apparently not everyone is that lucky)!
While some may argue, that being pregnant during a pandemic is just extra baggage and stress on top of an already difficult time; I sit here today and realize that being pregnant during a pandemic was the best thing to happen to me. Being pregnant in 2020 is the light at the end of the tunnel for me. My girl and I have been through a lot these past 8 months. When I am stressed or worried, I feel her moving. When I cry, I feel her moving. When I have days where I feel depressed and lonely, I feel her moving. She reminds me how I am not alone and how everything is going to be OK—even when it feels like ITS NOT! I have found so much appreciation for my strength, resilience, my body, the capability to grow a life!
The negatives mean so little when there is so much to be grateful for and positive about! Learning how to turn these negatives into positives has given me a strength like no other. One that I will take with me on the next walk that life throws at me! I now realize the value of taking the time to step back and focus. Re-center yourself. Think about “how can I can turn this negative into a positive”. I encourage you next time you face an obstacle in your life, BIG OR SMALL, consider not “why is this happening to me” BUT “how can I learn from this”!